As an adult, that day my anger was gripped in emotional immaturity and insecurity—our daughters could have been left without parents. "During this time, my anger emerged, against my parents and my husband, in a way I had never known or expressed. The day I drove after Paul eighty miles an hour down the highway was a splitting between the adult I was in most situations and the emotional child in control momentarily.
I was trying to get rid of my suffering by blaming others, remaining ignorant of its true cause. Anger felt both appropriate and justified, yet below the surface would grow into a bog of guilt. Learning that depression covered anger, and anger resulted from fear, through therapy with the psychologist, I focused on understanding why I felt the way I did."*
By the grace of God, clarity came, and I swung off I- 91 South onto an Enfield road home.
Twenty years later, when my second husband and I were exploring healing avenues for our approach to his cancer, I worked with a bioenergetic psychologist—one who uses talk and physical pressure to open the subconscious to truth huddled within. He had me arch backwards to an extreme as I gripped a tennis racket that I swung with force against his massage table, while repeating affirmations. I’ve forgotten the words, but their healing power touched me. He was the first to separate my emotions from my thoughts—dealing with each differently—setting me on a new direction.
My realization is, "Without the right understanding, we may hunt for a solution fruitlessly—but given the needed understanding, we become empowered."
*A Flower for God
* Dr. Robert Glazer, Ph.D., Director of the Florida Society for Bioenergetic Analysis