Well I don't love you!
Before these words were spoken to me, I had met a man who gave readings and workshops recommended by a doctor I knew, and I had signed up. Certain words had struck my heart for the authenticity of their perceived truth.
"My hubby, he said, was sending down lots of love, but he had been a
stepping-stone, and I hadn’t yet done what I’d come to the planet to do."*
The reader was my first teacher of Meher Baba. He remained active for three years, and present distantly for seven, when his assignment ended. I felt real love with him, for that was what he gave, that I might blossom in my soul's journey toward truth.
Almost simultaneous to his arrival, a second teacher for Meher Baba came into my life, but years went by before I understood he actually was one of three assigned teachers. The third would enter nine years in the future.
The second teacher was a bachelor who drove a red sports car. I was a home and family woman and drove an older Saab. What I write now has required a million moments of Meher Baba's training, taking me eighteen years to understand that one of the roles of the second teacher was to provide a home for me. With him, I learned that Meher Baba’s training required a lot of practice resulting in my conclusion that, "pain and peace together nurtured plainly-seen improvement."*
It was the second teacher who had said in a strong voice, "I don't love you." The occasion was my first time to say, "I love you." To my amazement, I had answered him right back, “That doesn’t matter. All that matters is how I feel.”* Surprising me, I had recognized a new and clear thought, but didn’t know where it came from.
I know now that my words came from the bud of real love growing in me from the seed of love Meher Baba plants in hearts. I was opening to a new truth, no longer looking for what I could get from love, but what I could give.
My realization is, "Real love awakens unsuspected, but may be spotted, if watched for."
* Prema Jasmine Camp, A Flower for God: A Memoir , WA: Wilson Duke Press, 2021) 186.
*A Flower for God. Ibid. 224.
* A Flower for God. Ibid. 263.